Nice Primates Finish Last Claims Selfie-Taking Crested Macaque
The selfie craze never ceases to amaze, but perhaps the most surprising story of all is that of the selfie-taking monkey whose shots achieve a perfection few humans can match. Though it made her...
View ArticleSpecies Known As The Downtown Pittsburgh Department Store Goes Extinct
[13 July, 2015] In a sad day for conservationists, the species known as Emporium Pittsburghus – commonly called the Downtown Pittsburgh Department store – has finally gone extinct. Though the last...
View ArticleIn Defense Of The American Dentist Who Killed Cecil The Lion
[Special guest editorial by A Wildebeest] At a time like this, emotions run high, and you’re probably already angry with me over the title of this piece. But there are some people who are very... The...
View ArticleAsshole Cat Hunts Beautiful Creatures Just For Sport
Lifelong Ross Township resident Kathie Jones understands the outrage people feel at lion takerskillers Walter Palmer and Jan Seski. That’s because she’s had to live with her very own sadistic menace...
View ArticleK-9 Officer Sues Police Department Over Lack Of Compensation
Although many if not most police officers don the uniform out of a sense of civic duty, they would certainly not be willing to do so for free. But this is exactly what is expected... The post K-9...
View ArticleDonald Trump To Start Killing Puppies To Drive Poll Numbers Even Higher
With his polls numbers rising after making fun of a disabled person by physically mocking him, Donald Trump now has a commanding lead in the GOP race. This has finally confirmed something his campaign...
View ArticleNRA Calls For Comprehensive Ban On Deer Wearing Armor
The NRA has rejected calls for tighter gun control until there is a specific law on the books to prevent deer and other prey animals acquiring military-grade protective gear. “Obviously it won’t apply...
View ArticleEnraged Birders To Retake Oregon Wildlife Refuge In Dawn Offensive
[Burns, OR] The armed militants who have occupied the Oregon wildlife refuge may be encouraged the apparent lack of response by government authorities. But their stand is reportedly doomed anyway,...
View ArticleObama Reveals New Supermax Prison Is Being Built In Oregon
[Washington, DC] To everyone’s surprise at today’s White House press briefing, Obama responded to a question about the current standoff in Oregon by saying that he hasn’t really been following the...
View ArticleOregon Militia Lowers Demands To Cheese Pizza And Charmin Ultra
[Burns, OR] Signs of disunity within the armed militia occupying the Malheur Widllife Refuge in Oregon have emerged in recent days, with one militiaman taking off with the petty cash to get drunk in...
View ArticleRadical Pigeon Group Plans To Occupy Oregon Wildlife Refuge Next
Authorities in Oregon may think they are nearing the end of a long standoff as only a few holdouts remain. But the end of one problem could mark the beginning of another, given that a... The post...
View ArticlePunxsutawney Phil Promises To Make More Detailed Forecasts In Future
[Punxsutawney, PA] Today is Groundhog Day, which is when the down-to-earth residents of Western Pennsylvania turn to a clairvoyant small mammal to find out what the weather is going to be like for the...
View ArticleResearchers Remember Brave Rodent Who Gave His Life For Science
Laboratory researchers at Pfizer biopharmaceuticals took a moment today to remember their friend and outbred albino rat who selflessly gave his life as part of the evaluation of a new drug in...
View ArticleNo-Kill Shelter Can’t Accept Any More Unwanted Presidential Candidates Right Now
The only no-kill shelter in the country that accepts unwanted Presidential candidates has said it is now at capacity after Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina were dropped off earlier this week. “We urge...
View ArticleStar Of ‘The Revenant’ Speaks Out Against Hollywood Racism
The Oscar-nominated and Annie-award winning star of Best Picture ‘The Revenant’ has issued a statement clarifying his position on the issue of racism and bias in Hollywood, of which he says he has...
View ArticleArchaeologists Discover Prehistoric Celebrity They Name Parus Hiltonus
Archeologists excavating a site in Wyoming have made an amazing discovery that they say fills an important gap in our knowledge of culture – evidence of a former celebrity they have named Parus...
View ArticlePunxsutawney Phil To Be Indicted On Felony Fraud Charges
[Punxsutawney, PA] Western Pennsylvania was in shock today, in addition to feeling quite chilly, after news leaked that Punxsutawney Phil has been arrested for fraud. This follows a lengthy...
View ArticleInky The Octopus En Route To Germany To Claim Asylum
After escaping from a New Zealand aquarium to the ocean through a hole in the floor, Inky the Octopus was expected never to be heard from again. But the enterprising cephalopod was spotted of the......
View ArticleHays Nest Eagle Horrifies Pittsburgh By Behaving Like Wild Animal
The City of Pittsburgh is in a state of utter consternation after one of its (formerly) favorite residents – a Hays nest bald eagle – killed a cat and proceeded to shamelessly eat it right... The post...
View ArticleFocus Of Online Anger Over Death Of Gorilla Turns To Gravity
The online reaction over the death by shooting of Harambe the gorilla at a Cincinnati zoo has been quick to condemn all those responsible, starting with the four year old who entered the enclosure...
View Article
